


Forgetting Fate

by bloodsoakedleather



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Slash, References to Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-03
Updated: 2012-12-03
Packaged: 2017-11-20 04:40:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/581398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodsoakedleather/pseuds/bloodsoakedleather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What do I care? What the hell is that even supposed to mean. We're family you and me, brothers. What hurts you, hurt's me. I love ye man." ... What happened after Chibs realised what Juice had really done with that chain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgetting Fate

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do NOT own The Sons, nor do I want to because, quite frankly they scare the crap out of me LOL. They sure are fun to write about though.

FORGETTING FATE

Chibs dragged the other man to his feet and pulled the limp, sobbing body into a rough bear hug., kind of at a loss as to what else to do with him. Comforting wasn't something that came naturally to the Scot but something was fucking with usually happy go lucky Juice so bad he'd wanted to hang himself, he just couldn't leave the guy there in pain and fuck off. He had to do something, he had to try and help, this was his friend for fuck sake and it hurt him deep down knowing he'd thought there was no other way out of whatever trouble he was in.

"Reeght. Come on boy." He said, wrapping his arms around the other guy and slapping him gently on the back. Juice just clung to him, desperately as if he was the only thing keeping him up. "Come on." For several long minutes they didn't move, Juice's crying didn't stop. "We can't stay out here like this all fucking night. Let's get you inside."

Chibs slipped an arm underneath Juice's. The younger man was dead weight leaning against him, hard to move in this uncooperative state.

"Fuck me Juicey boy, you're heavier than you look. You're gonnae have to help me out here. One foot in front of the other, come on."

A ragged breath forced it's way out of Juices throat and he took a shaky step forward.

"Atta boy. And another."

He took another step and then his legs gave way. Chibs just barely caught him before he pulled them both down into the dirt.

"Fuck it." He mumbled, realising he was going to have to do this himself. He looped one limp arm around his neck, holding it in place by the wrist, took a deep breath then pushed up hard, taking all of Juice's weight on his shoulder.

Thankfully, Juice's place wasn't far, just at the bottom of the skinny dirt road. The door wasn't locked either. At least something was going his way Chibs thought. He got the boy inside, dragged him across the floor and dropped him as gently as he could manage onto the couch. Juice just slumped against the arm, head lolling slightly forward, red rimmed eyes staring blankly at a spot on the rug.

Chibs regarded him for a minute then shook his head and swore under his breath.

"I need a fucking drink."He left Juice on the couch and went through into the small, basic kitchen, searching the cupboards until he found what he was looking for. He poured two glasses of scotch, drank one straight down then refilled the glass and took them both into the living room. Juice hadn't moved, not an inch. Chibs walked over and handed him one of the glasses. Still he didn't move. Chibs sighed, put down his own drink and placed the glass in Juice's hand himself, squeezing the younger mans fingers around it but there was no strength in the grip. Chibs could see the glass just sliding out of his hand and onto the floor so he took it away and put it on the table next to his own.

For a moment he just stood there, looking at Juice, wondering what the fuck he was going to do now. Juice was still crying, silently now but his body still shook and Chibs wasn't entirely sure if this wasn't worse than the sobbing out loud.

He crouched down in front of Juice and clicked his fingers.

"Come on Juicey boy, whatever the hell is wrong with ye, you've gotta snap the fuck outta it. I cannae see you like this."

Without looking up Juice answered in a broken whisper, the first words he'd spoken since Chibs had found him.

"What do you even care?"

Chibs glared at him.

"What do I care? What the fucking hell is that even supposed to mean. We're family you and me, brothers. What hurts you, hurt's me. I love ye man."

That started Juice crying again, harder than before if that was even possible, and it really did hurt Chibs. His chest felt tight, too tight, like there was an invisible vice crushing him, shattering every ounce of his strength. He just felt so fucking useless. His brother, his best friend, was in so much pain he'd wanted to die and he didn't have a fucking clue what to do to help him. This was the shittiest, most fucked up state of affairs. One hand reached out and touched the younger mans face.

"Talk to me Juicey." He begged, his voice uncharacteristically soft. "Please. Tell me what's wrong. Let me help ye."

Painful, agonising silence and then…

"You should've left me there and walked away."

"What?"

"They're gonna kill me anyway, and it ain't gonna be pretty. I'm a fucking dead man walking. You should've left me."

The Scot shook his head.

"No' an option sunshine. I'm no' just gonnae let ye kill yourself. And I'm no' gonnae let anyone else do it either." He was quiet for a moment, then he sighed. "I'm gonnae call the guys and you're gonnae tell them who's after ye' so we can find the fuckers and end them, a'reeght?" He reached into his pocket for his phone.

Juice looked up suddenly, panicked.

"NO! Don't. Please." His hand shot out and grabbed Chibs' arm, stilling it.

"Ye' need help lad, more than I can give ye' on ma own."

"Not the guys please. Not the guys, I don't want them here. I don't want anyone else here, just you, only you. Please Chibs."Chibs stared silently at the other man. He looked so wretched, so lost, so… so utterly miserable, that he couldn't bring himself to add to whatever burden he was carrying and anyhow, if he really thought about it he guessed he could understand why Juice wouldn't want anyone else to see him like this. He gave a small nod and watched some of the fear drain from his face, his shoulders relaxing just a little bit.

"Okay, okay. Just me."

So what now he wondered?

"You want me to stay the night?" He'd already decided there was no way he was leaving Juice alone tonight, or any other night in the foreseeable future for that matter, not until whatever was going on was sorted, but he thought he should at least ask. He doubted Juice had it in him to argue. He was right. Juice just nodded.

"Yeah. I uh… I…"

Without warning Juice leant forward and pressed his lips against Chibs'. Chibs was stunned. So stunned that his brain temporarily stopped functioning and the idea of shoving Juice away didn't even occur to him. This was the last thing he'd been expecting. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew this was wrong and he should stop it, he knew that Juice wasn't really thinking straight right now, that he was just hurting and desperate but the truth was, Chibs wasn't thinking straight either. He'd been caught off guard and he wasn't nearly as horrified as he knew he ought to be, which kinda worried him. And this was Juice kissing him not just some random guy and even when the thought finally did surface he still couldn't make himself pull away. All he could do was let it happen and wait until the fog cleared completely from his brain.

It was Juice who ended it, shoving him so hard he fell backwards and landed on his arse with a thud.

Juice was frantic, terrified. He held his hands out in front of him defensively, as if he was expecting an attack.

"Shit! I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking, please don't hate me."

"Hey, hey. It's alright. I donnae hate you." He shuffled forward and took Juice's hands in his, lowering them. "And I'm no' gonna hit ye' either so just relax."

"I'm not a fag Chibs, I swear, I just… I just needed to… to…"

"To forget everything for a wee while. Aye, I know." And he did, he truly did. When Fi and Kerrieanne had left, he'd crawled into a bottle to try and forget. It had worked for all of about five minutes but fuck! He'd needed those five minutes." He looked at Juice, still so lost, and now ashamed and confused too and he couldn't just leave him like that, not after everything that had already happened tonight. "Aw shite!" He mumbled, closing the distance between them and now it was him kissing Juice and it was still wrong, he knew that but it didn't feel as wrong as it had earlier and Juice wasn't fighting him. He wanted this, needed it, and if Chibs was honest he thought maybe a part of him needed this too, needed to know that Juice was still there, still breathing, still alive.

Juice's hands were on his shoulders, squeezing, kneading, pulling him down on top of him as he lay back on the couch. He moaned, and Chibs thought it was the sweetest fucking sound he'd ever heard.

"I'm no' a queer." He growled against Juices lips. "But holy fuck."

The younger man moaned again, and arched his back, rolling his hips against the Scots. Chibs could feel the heat, and more, even through two pairs of jeans. He'd never been this close to another guys dick before in his life, it should've felt weird but it didn't, well maybe it did a little, but not too weird and damn if he didn't wanna be closer right now. He rolled his own hips slowly, experimentally. Juice whimpered and moved again, slowly and deliberately, urging Chibs on. Soon they were both grinding furiously against one another, both straining for more contact, neither really sure exactly how much more they wanted or how much further the other was prepared to go.

Juice's hands slipped from the older mans shoulders and moved lower, across his chest and ribs, coming to rest lightly on his hips. He paused, nervously licking his lips, studying Chibs' face as his hands moved to hover over his belt buckle. Chibs' mouth ran dry. How much further DID he want this to go? He licked his own lips and nodded. Juice's hands were quick and eager but clumsy with nerves. Eventually the buckle came apart and Juice popped open the button fly, his knuckles accidentally brushing the denim clad erection, making Chibs groan out loud.

"Jesus Juice…"

The younger man stilled. Chibs thought he was probably just as unsure as him, and maybe this was a mistake, maybe they should stop and pretend this never… Fuck fuck fuck! That was the moment Juice slipped his hand inside Chibs' jeans and palmed his cock and Chibs knew then that it was too late to go back, he couldn't stop if he tried and he wanted to take this as far as Juice would let him.

With slender but strong calloused fingers wrapped around his shaft, pumping slowly, he made a grab for Juice's buckle. His own fingers weren't nervous like Juice's had been, just impatient and the buckle came unfastened in no time, followed swiftly by the younger mans zipper. Chibs tried not to think too much about the fact that he was about to touch another guys dick and just went with it.

Juice gasped and moaned and jerked his hips, thrusting into Chibs' fist as he stroked him roughly. Chibs couldn't take his eyes off Juice's face. The pain and misery that had filled his eyes earlier was gone and in their place, hunger and need and a silent plea for more. This was not enough, mutual hand jobs weren't going to satisfy the need in either of them.

"Turn over." Chibs rasped and Juice did, but it was awkward on the narrow couch and with Chibs above him, there were elbows and knees and jeans that had slid off hips. "On the floor."

They both rolled onto the floor. Juice was on his knees, jeans down as far as his position would allow, ass bare, chest against the edge of the couch and hands fisted in the cushions. Chibs was on his knees behind him, jeans down, thick hard cock sticking straight up through the opening of his shorts, hands on Juice's hips.

"I havnae got anything for lube."

"I can take it." Juice sounded doubtful but determined, however, Chibs didn't want to hurt the younger man any more than was necessary even though he suspected that it was pain he was craving. Chibs wanted pleasure to make him forget his troubles, he'd had enough pain. "Chibs please, just do it."

The Scot pressed forward and began to gently rock his hips letting his dribbling cock slick the way as he slid it up and down over his hole.

"Please." Juice whined. Chibs finally gave in. He hawked a large wad of spit into his hand and coated his cock with it then placed the tip against Juice's asshole and pushed in slowly.

Slowly, as it turned out, proved easier said than done. Juice's muscles resisted despite the desperate pleas that tumbled out of his mouth, and he had to force himself inside The younger man's head fell forward and he screamed hoarsely into the cushions, obviously in more pain than Chibs would have liked. Idly he wondered if he should have used his fingers first, stretched him out a little bit, but he hadn't thought about it at the time. They hadn't planned this and it wasn't like he was experienced in fucking other guys.

He held still until Juice started to relax around him then sank the rest of the way in, balls deep, and fucking hell the heat was unbelievable and he was so fucking tight Chibs wondered if he might actually rip his cock off if he tried to pull back. He leaned forward, resting his chest against Juice's back and whispered roughly in his ear.

"Ye' okay?"

The other man nodded.

"Mmm, uh huh, yeah. Fuck!"

"Ye' sure?"

"I'm sure. Now fuck me."

After that, Chibs was lost. He reached for Juice's dick, it had softened a bit but was already growing hard again in his hand. He kept a tight grip, pumping it steadily in time with his fucking. Juice moved erratically, sometimes thrusting his aching dick forward into Chibs' fist and sometimes thrusting his ass back onto his cock, the whole time panting and moaning and whimpering and babbling and every now and then crying out when he hit some secret spot deep inside him. It was the cries that drove Chibs on, making him want to hit that spot again and again just to hear that noise.

It didn't take long before both men were nearing the end. Chibs was first. His vision blurred and he closed his eyes tightly, biting his lip as he felt that familiar tightening in his balls. He tried to tell the other man, to warn him, but he couldn't speak, all he could do was grunt and pick up speed in those final few thrusts before it all became to much and he came fast and hard inside the other man,

Juice didn't last long after that. He loosened one white knuckled fist from the cushion and brought it to his cock, wrapping it around Chibs' still stroking hand, squeezing hard as he exploded, spraying both their hands, the front of the couch and the floor with globules of warm, sticky, cum.

The two men stayed like that for what seemed like ages, catching their breath, clearing their minds. Finally, slowly, Chibs pulled out, with a wet sounding pop. He didn't bother to clean himself up, just pulled up his jeans and tucked himself back in. He looked at Juice, collapsed bonelessly against the couch and helped him do the same before wrapping his arms around him and somehow managing to gather the strength to lift the both of them back onto the couch.

"It's gonnae be okay Juicey boy." He said softly, pulling the younger man into his arms, fingers tracing small circles over the back of his neck as he let his head rest on his shoulder. "I've go' ye'. And I'm no' gonnae let anything happen to ye'. I promise. We'll figure something out. Now get some rest, you need it. I'll still be here when ye' wake up."

 

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As emotionally and physically drained as he was, Juice could barely manage an hours sleep, even with Chibs' arms around him. Every time he closed his eyes reality came crashing back down on him, reminding him just how badly he'd fucked up. He thought about last night and a fresh wave of guilt washed over him. He hadn't known that was going to happen, hadn't even know he wanted it to until it did and it had felt so fucking good, even when it hurt. What about Chibs though? He'd sure seemed willing enough last night but how was he going to feel about what they'd done in the cold light of morning? Christ! Juice thought. Was there anything left that he hadn't fucked up?

Chibs was sleeping now, snoring softly, it was sort of soothing Juice thought. It made him feel safe and he wished they could stay here like this forever. But he knew that wasn't possible. Last night Chibs had promised him that he wouldn't let anything happen to him but Juice knew it was a promise that would never have been made of Chibs had know the truth.

Reluctantly he untangled himself from the sleeping Chib's arms, careful not to wake him and slipped outside into the cool night air where he could be alone , where he wouldn't have to face Chibs if he woke up. His skin prickled in the cold and he tucked his hands under his arms to keep them warm as he walked back up the skinny dirt path, back to the spot where Chibs had found him desperately trying to untangle that chain. If only he'd come five, ten minutes later then it would all be over by now, he wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore.

He bent down and picked up the chain. It seemed to come free of the broken branch much easier now, typical of his luck. He stood there for a minute or so, feeling the weight of it in his hands. He wanted so badly to wrap it round his neck one more time and take another jump. There were plenty more trees round here, with higher branches, one of them had to be strong enough to take his weight this time. But he couldn't do it, no matter how bad he wanted to. He couldn't do that to Chibs, not now, he deserved better.

Juice sank to his knees, the chain still in his hand . A sudden pain tore through his body. He lurched forward and vomited violently onto the ground, retching and heaving until there was nothing left inside him and he felt like his stomach was turned inside out. He tried to stand, but he was too weak. He stumbled, lost his footing completely and fell on his ass. If anyone could see him now they'd think he was just hammered he thought, laughing bitterly. Laughter quickly turned to tears and soon he was sobbing again, uncontrollably without Chibs to calm him down.

How had he even let himself get into this mess, he couldn't remember anymore, not clearly. All he knew was there was no way out of it. The guys were going to kill him. There was no way he could keep them from finding out what he was and what he'd done, there was no way he could keep Chibs from finding out. He'd feel the betrayal deeper than anyone and Juice hated himself for that more than he hated anything else about this whole fucked up shitstorm of a situation.

He deserved to die. It was like he told Chibs, he was a dead man fucking walking. It was only a matter of time. He just hoped that when that time came they'd let Chibs be the one. Juice thought he owed him that much at least.

 

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Reviews appreciated


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